Thursday, October 25, 2018

Gaming | What It Was & What It's Become

Some gamers like gaming as a hobby. Some like it as a form of entertainment, and some (like me) like it because it offers a much needed escape from reality. Growing up wasn't easy for me. From living in poverty in trailers with rats the size of cats to getting in a tug-of-war struggle for attention between my mother, and her sister for years I couldn't seem to catch a break. I was a troubled child for it with pent up anger, and built up depression. I was mostly withdrawn, and kept to myself with all my worries and concerns until I had to let it out. Which never went well. Somewhere in the madness, and the sadness I found something that changed my life for the better though. That thing was video games. Initially, in my early school years, my cousin let us borrow his NES for a full year, and not intending on getting hooked on it, I ended up doing exactly that. Nintendo's 'Super Mario Bros.' broke the crippling spell of despair I was under, and captured my attention in such a way as to captivate and motivate me. I was so drawn into the simple yet fantastic worlds of that flagship NES title that I could not get away from it for long without anticipating my next time spent with it. I wondered what wonders awaited me in the following stages I'd yet to see, and so my passion for gaming bloomed ...

Fast forward in time a little, and a year after my cousin took his NES back (leaving me & my siblings wanting) my grandmother took us holiday shopping where she bought us an NES to share. Later in life I was often times reminded how the 5 year old me wept that we couldn't find the console in one store it was so much in demand, but we eventually got it, and all was right with the world. On top of the base console bundle my grandmother also bought us TETRIS. A game that would later draw my sister into gaming as much as I was drawn to it. From the NES to every console afterwards I found myself forever entranced by the fantasy lives I could live, and the amazing worlds I could escape to. It was a much needed reprieve since I continued to struggle with my anger, and sadness on a regular basis. In retrospect, through many ups and downs, gaming has been my saving grace for me. A place to go, and make-believe friends to turn to when I had no one else I felt I could trust or confide in. In a way I became obsessed with that escape, that fake friendship. Like a junkie needing a fix. The trade-off was worth it though.

Eventually, one day in my miserable existence, I matured enough to cope with my problems and faced them head on. I conquered my fears (lived for years with a lamp on at night, because I was so afraid of the dark due to a childhood incident), I tamed my anger, and even though I still struggle with depression it has subsided enough I will not attempt suicide again. Looking back at what gaming did for me, what it meant, and then looking to the here & now I can't help but feel a little disappointed with what it has become though. The escapes of yesteryear are now burdened by real life replication, real life drama, and predatory practices that bleed greed with every pixel and polygon within it's creative safe space. In a way I feel like I'm losing my best friend as things continue to deteriorate on the gaming industry front. Gaming isn't the pleasant couch co-op experience I remember. It isn't that solo adventure free from reminders of my life struggles either.

I truly wish gamers of today could experience gaming as I once knew it. A hobby that brought players together instead of tearing them apart. Long gone is the escape. Long gone is the fantasy, and the friendly faces therein. You can no longer experience a created world or universe in a game without being force fed the worst of ideas, and agendas, or being faced with the very toxic nature of mankind. It's like the plot of "The Neverending Story II", or "Return to the Wizard of OZ" where that beautiful paradise freed of problems is corrupted once again by an ever encroaching evil. I worry about gaming, my old friend. I worry what it will be like for future generations. Deep down I hope things change for the better, and for those who turn to it for an escape, but my optimism fades with every article posted detailing the wrongdoings of those content creators who once saved kids like me from hard times.

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