Priest Simulator: Vampire Show arrived on PS5 courtesy of Polish developer Asmodev and publisher Ultimate Games S.A., the same team behind the earlier Priest Simulator entries. This action mockumentary blends first-person shooter, hack-and-slash, church-renovation sim, and over-the-top sandbox absurdity into one gloriously unhinged package. In a world that feels like a deranged Polish mockumentary crossed with Doom and a heavy dose of black-metal satire, you step into the cassock of a reluctant vampire priest tasked with cleaning up a demon-infested village while trying to claw your way back to Hell. It’s crude, chaotic, and surprisingly addictive in its own ridiculous way.
The plot is pure madness wrapped in a mockumentary format. You play as Orlok, a vicious vampire celebrity from the Infernet (Hell’s version of the internet) who, after a botched escape with his beloved bat-raccoon companion Batoon, crash-lands in the sleepy Polish village of San de Ville. A sleazy priest/con artist named Torpedo and his followers promptly exorcise him, stripping away his powers and blackmailing him into becoming the town’s interim priest. To regain his vampiric abilities and return home to Hell, and his Batoon, Orlok must play along with the farce, donning the cassock, renovating the crumbling church, fighting off “shatanistic” cultists, and performing increasingly humiliating tasks. The story unfolds through absurd cutscenes, unprofessional English dubbing, and a parade of quirky villagers caught between demonic possessions and everyday Polish small-town weirdness. It’s less a traditional narrative and more a series of escalating blasphemous hijinks that poke fun at religion, bureaucracy, and rural life.
Gameplay is a delightful mishmash of features that keep things fresh across its 10+ hour campaign. At its core it’s a sandbox shooter where you roam an open village hub, tackling main missions, side activities, and random demonic incursions. You renovate the church by buying blueprints and slapping on modern tech upgrades to raise the “faith level,” unlocking new attractions like confession booths and sermons that boost your stats and story progress. Weapon crafting uses collectible Black Metal (literal cassette tapes scattered around) to upgrade your divine arsenal. The simulation layer adds satisfying progression. The more you spruce up the church and save villagers, the stronger and more ridiculous your priestly empire becomes.
Your playthrough objectives revolve around gathering “splendor” (a mix of faith points and resources), exorcising possessed locals, and pushing back waves of shatanistic hordes and Hell’s envoys. The ultimate end goal is reclaiming your full powers and blasting off back to Hell with Batoon in tow, but the real joy lies in the journey taking on tasks such as racing around in goofy vehicles, flipping crucifixes the right way up, and turning a rundown parish into a thriving (if still sacrilegious) tourist trap.
Combat is fast, floaty, and gloriously over-the-top. You dual-wield any two of eight unique weapons at once including shotguns, pitchforks, telekinesis gloves, crucifixes, charged melee hammers, and more. Creating wild combos that feel like a blasphemous love letter to Doom Eternal. Enemies spawn in thick waves during horde events, and the sandbox arenas let you hurl objects, slam explosive nails, or blast away while heavy metal blares. It isn’t the deepest system, but the variety and upgrade paths keep it punchy. Character interactions lean hard into the comedy. Torpedo’s sock-puppet energy, villagers’ deadpan Polish absurdity, and the unprofessional dub deliver constant laughs. Exorcisms play out as quick-time spectacle sequences mixed with light puzzle cleanup, tying directly into the renovation loop and story beats. Everything feeds back into the central fantasy of being a vampire priest who just wants to go home but keeps getting roped into saving the town.
The Presentation ...
Presentation nails the mockumentary vibe with bright, cartoonish graphics that capture modern rural Poland in all its quirky glory. The church starts as a wreck and gradually transforms into something almost respectable (or hilariously gaudy, depending on your choices). The soundtrack has pounding original black-metal tracks from the band Gruzja that crank up during fights, perfectly matching the grotesque, high-energy tone. Subtle radio tunes and cutscene music add to the immersive satire without ever taking itself seriously.
The DLC ...
The Her Ghost DLC (available right at launch for a modest price) picks up immediately after the base game’s main mission. It’s a short, self-contained quest line that continues Orlok’s misadventures in San de Ville, this time involving the chaotic Tooth Fairy stirring up supernatural trouble. You team up with the returning Cardinal Godspeed for three brand-new exorcisms, packed with even stupider dialogues, cutscenes, and pathetic-yet-hilarious scenarios. It’s a perfect epilogue. It's short, sweet, and every bit as unhinged as the main game, adding replay value and one more layer of absurdity without overstaying its welcome.
The Verdict ...
Priest Simulator: Vampire Show is crude, profane, and gloriously silly, but that’s exactly why it works. The fun factor is sky-high thanks to its relentless comedic tone, satisfying loop of shooting, renovating, and exorcising, and the sheer joy of never knowing what ridiculous thing will happen next. It’s not a technical masterpiece or a deep narrative experience, but as a short, sharp burst of unapologetic indie chaos, it delivers in spades.
If you’re a fan of absurd humor, satirical simulators, over-the-top shooters with a side of renovation, or just want a game that feels like a fever dream of Polish black-metal comedy, this one’s absolutely for you. Grab it, grab the DLC, and prepare to bless (and blast) your way through the weirdest vampire priest simulator ever made. Highly recommended for anyone who enjoys their games with a healthy dose of irreverence and a bat-raccoon sidekick.
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