For those of you who have followed me this past week on Twitter you'll know that I had a sort of emotional meltdown. For the first time in a long time I had hit rock bottom in my life, and openly so. I think it was a combination of things building up to that point, and not particularly one simple thing. My life is chaos. I endure family drama on a daily basis, and life in general has begun to collapse around me. When a certain friend started making judgmental tweets indirectly about something I had tweeted earlier it sent me even further over the deep end. I felt bad for having lost her friendship, but at the same time knew the ties must be broken. What you have to understand is that I go to Twitter for an escape. Each time I log in I look forward to the positive things my friends have to say whether it's game related, or whatever. For a long time gaming had been that escape for me, but with the quality of online gaming, and gaming in general going downhill I can no longer depend on that hobby to brighten my day. Twitter has once again become my last hope at happiness. Even that is suffering from drama though.
Over the weekend I did get to game with my UK friends, and a fellow indie gaming journalist I had met online long ago. That in itself gave me enough reason to be happy even if it was for a short while. I actually look forward to chatting with my friends over the mic in party chat as I love to hear their voices. It's a different feeling than simply reading text that they type up on Twitter. For that I'm thankful ...
I know that I preach a positive message, and try to cheer people up on social media, but at the end of the day I'm not living the sermon. If I were to be honest with everyone I'd say that behind every smiley emoticon I send I'm crying inside behind the scenes. I'm a miserable mess that's hoping for the best. Sadly that hope has always fallen short of being fulfilled. I am struggling. I could say that I'm better now, and that I'm over my emotional meltdown, but that would be a lie. I am however trying to find a reason to move on with my life, and make the most of it in the face of adversity. While I'm doing so I'm reduced to taking it a day at a time like some addict's motto. I guess to get over the worst things in life one does have to take those first baby steps. I don't expect a miracle cure, or a one day fix, but I am hoping that I can eventually live up to the messages of emotional wellness that I send to each of you on a daily basis. I hope that one day I too can be happy.
In more pleasant news I did pick up a game for review at the end of this week. That game is 5pb's "Phantom Breaker Battlegrounds Overdrive" for the PS4. I had actually reviewed the original game back when I was doing Xbox 360 reviews, and loved it! It's an amazing anime inspired beat'em up, and is already highly recommendable. The fact that it's on the PS4 is really cool! I think the developer even added some new features for the Playstation crowd. I look forward to once again being distracted by a game review. I figure I'll start on it this Monday, and make it a proper work week experience.
Aside from that I may, or may not be reviewing my Cthulhu POP!Vinyl toy that I picked up recently from AREA 52. Funko toy's PR has went out of their way to ignore my email inquiries after I posted some quality positive reviews for the figures that they had sent my way earlier in the year. That is bad PR business all the way around, and you guys know how much bad PR biz pisses me off. I don't feel like promoting a company who supports bad PR habits, but at the same time I do want to share my toy discoveries with you. It's going to be a tough choice whatever it is that I decide to do.
I think I'm going to close on that point. I sincerely hope you've had an awesome weekend thus far, and that this Sunday is just as awesome for you, if not more so. I am going to try to make the most of my day, and as I said I'll take it one day at a time. I hope that if you are struggling emotionally that you do the same as well. There's no reason to worry about the future, or the past when your today is vastly more important, and in dire need of your undivided attention.